WANTED: Shrink.

Note to self:
Wonderboy loves you. He fights for you. He shows you that he wants to be with you. He waits for you now while you have rehearsals. He gives you all the freedom you want. He gives you flowers. He supports you. He watches your shows no matter how small or short your parts are. He likes you family. He LOVES you, okay? Get that through your thick, ill-scattered head T_T

I am in desperate need of psychological help.

Ugh. He's not even doing anything and yet here I am wondering what I should do about him. I must purge him out of my system. Go away, go away, go away.

The Pains That Haunt Me.

I shall shed my drama unto the world once again (well, at least the cyber world). Here goes another one of my episodes.

Ever had an itch that you literally cannot scratch? Like one part of your body is really itchy but you can't find the spot that actually itches? It's annoying, isn't it?

For some reason, I just ended up thinking about it again. It's just... Sad that I have been trashed... Erased from his memory. It's painful knowing and remembering that you shared something so intimate and true with someone and then in the end he's just going to regret everything you had and forget you. All those memories that you made, it's only you who chooses to keep them... To remember them and treasure them for the rest of your life.

I'm not blaming him. I'm just saying that it's painful. All those times that I was most sincere and serious, he probably looks at it as a joke right now.

I'm happy with my life. It's just this ITCH that I can't seem to get rid of. An emotional itch that I can't scratch. Like I said in my previous post, I know what will eventually happen. I just really got emotionally attached. The love that I felt before... Was pure bliss. And I can't have that kind of bliss anymore. Everything's too different. I'm too different.

I really am happy. Seriously.
Wonderboy makes me happy. Jazz and the jazzers make me happy. My girls make me happy. My family makes me happy. Shopping and chocolates make me happy.
I just wish this would stop haunting me.

Please just go away. Please.

Technical Advisory.

Access to My.LaSalle system is temporarily disabled. Access will resume at 1600hrs.

How frustrating is that -_-
I was able to adjust my STAT101 class already BUT I haven't done the same thing with Jose's account! YIKES! Imma stay here until 4 and be late for KASPIL2... Unless Jos shows up here real fast. Stupid me left my phone AND my bag with him. Gr gr gr. :|

Nostalgic Blues?

Earlier, while I was waiting for the car outside the gate, I tried to recall some things. Amazingly (and sadly), I was only able to gather some blur memories from my past.

When I got home, I tried looking for some things that I could donate to a garage sale FAST '05 will be holding this Saturday. I opened that small cabinet of mine and stumbled upon a bunch of pictures and letters. And suddenly, memories gushed right back in my loony head.Guess what happened next?

...I sour graped and cried like a moping idiot.
(Okay the latter one is an overstatement. I've cried harder before.)

And I thought I was over it. I guess the bitterness that I have made me forget or at least made me think that I have forgotten. Either that or my pride just won't allow me to admit that I... Well... I don't really know. Admit that I remember? That I miss those memories of mine? That I want to go back to how things were?

Beats me.

Well, anyway, I've recovered. I feel neutral again.
It's crazy. I used to be so submissive and overly nice, and moodswings come like once in a blue moon. Now, I'm all masungit and proud and... *sigh* Although who I used to be was such a sissy, I think I'd rather go with that.

It's sad. Reading those letters and recalling how strong our love used to be... It made me want to go back and make more memories. But that already happened, and I already know what will eventually happen if I try again. Hearts will be broken once again, and things will just get worse.

There are so many beautiful woven stories of love... And so many of them are left to dust on a book shelf. Some have torn pages... Some are even burnt, never to be remembered ever again.

Of Boredom and Spendage.

I'm bored. There's nothing good on TV right now, I'm done with my RELSTWO baptism paper and I couldn't find anything useful on the internet concerning the foreign debt of the Philippines for KASPIL2. Hence, I have nothing else to do but blog and look through online shops in multiply.

I hate being such a spender :( Sooner or later I'm going to lose money this way. I have to remember that I should save up for Christmas shopping for my friends and family!

Injustices of the World.

I just received an e-mail about a small Iran boy-- probably around 3 to 5 years old-- who was accused of stealing. For his punishment, his arm was crushed by a car in the name of Islam.

Click here to see how heartless people could be.

How could people do such a thing? Even under the name of RELIGION! For crying out loud! Oh, God, the poor boy... Deprived of living a life without one arm. And the PAIN he had to go through.. Ugh. I don't even want to think about it :(

(I feel like someone who's in a beauty pageant.) But seriously. It pains me to think that this kind of injustice exists in the world. And it pains me more because I know I can't do anything about it. :(

Human rights, people :(

Kitty Cat.

Fatcat and Garfield.
No difference, really.

I think I got my kiddie genes from him. He loves collecting toys even until now. I'm serious! He buys Happy Meals and asks me to pretend that I'm the one who wants it. Another senario:

Dad: Oh, wow! The McDo near our office is open already!
Mom: Ay, don't eat there everyday ha!
Dad: That's not what I'm after naman eh!
Mom: What?
Dad: Happy meal *big toothy grin*

Dad loves playing games on his phone also. You'll find him holding his phone and looking oh so serious. But listen closely. Later, you'll hear a KABOOM! And then dad would go, "ARRR!" Oh, dad said that his hair was like mine when he was young. I mean with the side-swept bangs. Yes, I think he had em0 hair. Haha. He gets super duper silly whenever he's with me. People usually think of him as suplada and masungit. Please. I beg to differ.

I'm such a daddy's girl!

Anyway. That photo was taken a few hours ago when we got home from Val's debut. My brother and I sang "What I've Been Looking For" from High School Musical earlier. We were asked to sing during dinner! Goodness. Well, Val's brother asked my brother to sing. But my brother couldn't think of anything so he dragged me in. Then POOF! We became coco crunch. Lovely superstar coco crunch. We got really good feedback. I couldn't hear myself, so I'll just take their word for it :p

I'm pooped! And I'm still wearing make up! At least my legs aren't aching because of my heels. Guess I'm getting used to it. I shall take a bath now. :D

Shoe Fetish.

*DROOL DROOL DROOOOOOOOOOOL*
Oh goodness. I've never been in love with shoes before. I'm serious.
*Drools some more*




Saaaaantaaaaaaaaa!

2 Going 3 AM.

I am not sleepy at all. Maybe it's because of the brownies I ate earlier. And the 4 glasses of iced tea. Hmm.

Nothing really. Just wanted to say HELLO WORLD! :D

I Feel Talkative.

I liked today.
Nothing extraordinary happened. Just simple chit-chat. But that's the beauty of it! The simplicity of events shared with extraordinary people makes it so... So... Fabulous :D I love the fact that Jose and I hang out with different kinds of people and not just stick to one group.

I like working.
(yeah I have a hard time waking up in the morning :p but once I get up...!)
I dislike being idle and I don't settle for mediocrity anymore. It's not a bad thing right? I hate procrastination now. Jazz taught me how to manage my time, me thinks. And long breaks help me a lot! If there's nothing better to do, I do my homework or study. It's less stressing. Besides that, I feel like a slug every time I don't get to do any form of exercise in a day! Maybe my insecurities are making me push myself this hard. I want stamina, strength... PERFECTION. :D I've no idea if the last one's attainable but I can try finding that out.

I like change.
Change is good especially when something desperately needs tweaking! As long as there's something that I can do to make things better, I will do it! :D

I like who I am now.
Maybe I'm sounding a bit too proud but hey! This is my blog. It's my life :p
Truthfully, I am a bit surprised with myself lately. I admit that I have changed a whole lot. But like I said earlier, change is good :)

I like the fact that I am in love once again.
No wait.

I LOVE IT.

Yes, people, my heart, after resting for quite some time, is up and running once again. My heart... Is a tough cookie. :D

And once again, I am blogging right before I go to bed. :p
Goodnight, world. <3

Ambitions.

My obsession *slash* love for clothes makes me want to become a fashion designer. Or at least, learn how to make my own clothes so that I don't have to spend so much and so that my clothes would be original :p

Besides that, I want to do street and belly dancing! And gymnastics! What a brat I am. Hahaha :D Well, Jos and I both want to take street dancing. We just gotta know where... And it better be cheap!

Rainy Day.

I'm in cybernook right now, killing time once again. It's raining really hard today. I love the rain. But I hate it too because it gets really traffic, it gets flooded in the streets, it affects electricity (no air-con for lasallians today) and blasted cockroaches tend to just come out.

We'll be doing aerobics later for jazz. And sir Peter's going to pick who'll be dancing for ABS-CBN this Friday. Only 5 people from jazz'll be chosen since we're merging with street. I don't know if I'll be one of those 5 people... But it sure sounds like a lot of fun :)

The Norming Stage.

The La Salle Dance Company - Jazz

We just had our teambuilding yesterday, and I've never felt so comfortable in LSDC. Yes, the storm has definitely passed, and we are in the norming stage. I hope it stays that way :)

You just gotta love them :)

The Corrs Soundtripping Effect.

Say its true. There's nothing like me and you. I'm not alone. Tell me you feel it, too.

Yes, I really thought that there was nothing like me and you. But we were both blinded by our childishness. We chose to drown in our fantasy and refused to see what was really there.

You said that I was such a great deal to lose. But you didn't fight for me. You admitted that you never did before, and promised me you would. Still there's nothing. And I don't know why I even thought you'd do something like that for me.

Although sometimes I'm tempted to talk to you and try to see what could still happen between us, I try my best to resist. I don't want to run after you anymore. I've always been doing that. Besides, we both deserve better than this.

I will runaway. I will runaway, yeah.
I will runaway...
From you.

Vice Versa.

He makes me feel oh so safe and loved and, not to mention, HAPPY. Maybe I just thought that I made the wrong turn so I made an attempt to make the right one but later realized that the wrong turn that I made at first was actually the right one!

Okay, I'm getting confused myself.

Well, anyway, right now, I'm just taking things as they are. I still can't make a commitment because I want to be sure of myself once I do. I still have this tendency to get all unstable.

Insecurities.

I feel ugly.
My face is getting all blemished. My legs are all bruised and... Just plain ugly.

I feel fat.
I'm already trying to lose my puson. My cheeks are so puffy.

I feel stupid.
I think I'm going to fail INTRECO.

I'm weak.
I can't even do one freaking sit up. (I think this is the saddest thing.)

When will my insecurities end? :(

Spiffy.

I am still at it :p I've been submitting entries for this contest since 8:40 I think, and it's already 9:15. My class isn't until 9:40 so I'll probably keep doing this until like 9:30. I'm most probably competing with like hundreds of kids... So I'm taking my chances and I'm using up my resources. :p

I forgot to mention that I GOT ACCEPTED FOR MAJORS! Wonderful, isn't it? And I was able to get a slot in CAO for advanced enrollment. I heart you, CAO.

I am about to purchase my first online shopped top. I have money. Bwahaha.

Disney Love.

I feel like such a freak. I joined the High School Musical contest in disneychannel-asia.com. I'm still at it actually... No idea how many entries I've sent already. Hey you'll never know, I might win :D Brother and I are such Disney freaks, so we're hoping to get the CD. The grand prize is actually an autographed jacket but I'd rather have the autographed soundtrack. <3

Crushing.

Yes, I am crushing on a celebrity like a squealing high school girl would.
He is adorable.

His name is...

ZAC EFRON . ♥

Girly Things.

(My, my. I posted a handful today)

I resorted to online shopping again because of the state I'm in. Now my girly genes are pumped up. I really wanna go shopping. :( How on earth do I earn money?

I've been intentionally forgetting about my diet. Bad, Anna! Bad! I feel fat now :( Gr. This is what happens when you're vain and insecure about the way you look at the same time.

Purely Unfathomable.

For some reason, I feel empty and lonely. And I'm playing sappy Corrs music, and it's making me feel heavier. Ah. Masochism. I hate the feeling, but at the same time the music just feels good.

For some reason, I want to cry for no apparent reason. I guess it's one of them nights when you just feel really sad and you don't know why. But I can't seem to cry. Maybe because I don't see any point in doing so.

I think I should keep my emotional thoughts to myself. Sometimes, I just really feel like no one will ever understand how I feel. I don't blame them. I can't even understand myself at times either anyway.

My Wishlist.

Dear Santa,

Please get me these for Christmas. I'll be a good girl! If you can't make these in your factory, you can go through multiply or just ask me what site! Don't worry, I'll leave milk and cookies beside the Christmas tree for you when you bring my presents. Thank you!

(leggings)

Fashion and Me.

I WANT THIS TOP.

It's from Seoul, Korea... And it's P1,000 plus P100 for shipping.

Online window shopping is making me feel depressed... I don't have money! :( I need a wardrobe change. Seriously! I just realized how... common my clothes are when I was trying to find something to wear for the cosmo VTR (which went quite well by the way). Okay, imma go back to my depressed state and continue window shopping :p